An Open Letter To Detroit

Dear Detroit,

In 2004 I declared personal bankruptcy. There. I said it. It's out there. But if you've been reading TORC from the beginning, can you really say you're surprised? I wasn't. And, to be honest, I don't really think the six credit card companies that issued me lines of unsecured credit were either. Detroit, I want to tell you what to expect and how to cope with the humiliation and despair that comes with bankruptcy so that you don't end up like Donald Trump: A frightening, self-deluded weirdo who sends tweets out like Osama Bin Laden taunting the American public with hateful diatribes.

Byzantine Coin

When I declared bankruptcy, my only assets were a 12 year-old car and an 11th century Byzantine Empire coin. My creditors, surprisingly, didn't want either of these. My bankruptcy attorney, a very patient and understanding man looked at me throughout my interview as though thinking "There but for the grace of God go I." A look I'm too familiar with. What he told me I remember to this day because it comforted me in the hard times that would follow. He said "People fail. There is no shame in that. But when you fail, it's important to do the right thing and get back on track. Now you could have just taken your 12 year-old car and your Constantine the Second late Byzantine Empire coin and went underground, but you did the right thing and there's virtue in that decision." So, Detroit, I did the right thing and now it's time for you to do the right thing.

There are three things I learned from my experience and I'd like to now impart them to you, my dear friend, Detroit.

New Detroit!

1. A New Beginning: When I had my job as a stage manager for a California touring production of Noises Off I was raking it in at $1,200/week and then, suddenly they closed the show. I had to get rid of everything I owned. CDs, furniture, food, whatever I could sell got sold. Eventually, I got a new job, changed my name for a little while to Chase Talbot, wore a fake mole on my cheek, and carried a
walking stick like a real dandy. Some said I had a nervous breakdown, while I prefer to think of this as "reality reinvention". Detroit, don't look at this as an ending, think of it as a new beginning! Now you don't have to be the cancerous tumor of the blighted American landscape! You can become anything you want to be, a pre-Columbian Mayan City, Florence in the 15th Century, 18th Century London. Anything without electricity or plumbing will work.

2. Remember Who You Are: Detroit, you've got a lot going for you. When you started out as a trading post, you had lush forests and many beaver furs to sell. It's never too late to get back to your roots. Raze everything to the ground, grow your forests again and invite the Quebecois in to once again travel in their canoes to barter fur.

3. Let Go: This is the most painful thing about bankruptcy. You need to let go of ever becoming what you hoped you'd be. You will never be New York, Chicago, or Los Angeles. You won't even be Houston or Kansas City. Embrace this quickly and your pain will be reduced tenfold. Detroit, I am your friend, and I am telling you to give up the Tigers, the Lions, and the Red Wings. Give up GM and Motown. Give up public transportation and a functioning, viable budget. Those days are behind you. But who knows? Perhaps something else will come your way.

I know this might sound like tough talk, but Detroit, these are tough times. In an earlier TORC blog, I said "I'd rather eat a plate of human shit than live here" and I was right. I will also say that my online enemy did not warn his investors and to them all I can say is that perhaps it's time you started reading someone with the guts to call it as it is. But I digress. Let me just say that as someone who has suffered with financial hardship as you are now, it will get better and that hope is an asset you can't afford to sell off.

Stock Watch: There's been a large infusion of capital due to a higher salary. Value: $1.12