Is the Pyramid Market right for you?

e coli favors the brave

The Pyramid Market has gotten a lot of bad press over the past decade, but that doesn't mean you need to fear them completely. Remember when those people died from eating food from Jack In The Box? That didn't stop a lot of us from indulging in their e coli tainted beef. In fact, they lowered their prices while scrambling to find a way to stop killing people, so those of us brave enough to play bacteria roulette were able to enjoy even MORE of their infected burgers at discounted pricing. Fortune favors the brave. This is also true for investment opportunities of all shapes and sizes, including a well-diversified pyramid portfolio.

My first investment in a pyramid option came when I was in college. I had done some research on this new and exciting fund from my roommate and he assured me that he had seen his money triple over a ten day period. Of course I was skeptical at first, but after fifteen minutes of reviewing my own bank account consisting of -22.50 (back then you could deposit an empty envelope into an ATM and withdraw cash) I decided, this was right for me. Taking the money I had for my tuition, I made an investment and then lost everything because "Sean", my investment manager, had been robbed and the fund was depleted. This is to be expected in the high-risk pyramid market, but there are signs to guide you to a successful investment. I will now share them with you.

1. The Pyramid Market isn't for everyone: Ask yourself if you have money to lose. Like all high-risk, high-yield markets, losing all your money is a possibility and the Pyramid Market is like a beautiful woman; great if you can keep her, but she can bolt at any time.

2. Get to know your pyramid market investment manager: I have made several investments in the pyramid market and it always comes down to trust. Bear in mind, however, that this market is still illegal and therefore anyone involved shouldn't actually be trusted, however, you can still set a bar for yourself. Here are some things to look to avoid in a pyramid investment manager.

• Is your manager's workspace a street corner or bar?
• Does your manager have open, visible sores?
• Is your manager armed?
• Does your manager not have a last name?

Location, location, location!

3. Tiers, tiers, tiers! the Pyramid Market is built on tiers. The lower the tier you're on, the more likely it will collapse on your head. You need to get in early and get out quick. Your percentages decrease exponentially by a factor of 10 for each tier below the top you are located. When someone tells you you'll get your money once 20 people join, you might want to consider another pyramid fund.

4. Violence. When you do become the head of the pyramid and those below you have to kick their money upstairs, sometimes there will be reluctance by your investors. Now, because this is technically an illegal activity, using legal channels may not be available to you should you need to collect on your investment. It's always a good idea to float the idea that you are not afraid to use violence from the beginning of your relationship. Visit them at strange hours at their home or work. Keep asking about their friends and loved ones with interest. Show them photographs you took of them while they were unaware. Remember, there are no contracts with your fellow investor except the one you forge from the parchment of hope and written using the ink of fear.

If you follow these simple rules, you'll be earning up to 500% on your initial investment! Now, does anyone know of someone who can get me a realistic looking college degree? Seems they don't give them out unless you're caught up on your tuition.

TORC Stock Watch: Shares are up this week due to some freelance work and a less than legal deal that paid off. Share price: $1.05