Statement of Purpose

Money!

As far back as 2007, when I learned that Google could be used to not only find people who have rejected me, but to do a little self-discovery, it was then that I found something very, very disturbing. There was another Richard Ciccarone out there. "What are the odds of someone else having that name?" Was my first question. My second question was, "What are the odds of someone else having that name and being more successful than I?" The answer, sadly, was about 1 in 2 as there has yet to be discovered a tripleganger which is a fairly depressing statistic.


And that's not the worst part. The worst part is that this man has a higher Google rating than I, and that, my friends, will not stand. It cannot stand. Why? Because this is all I have. The OTHER Richard Ciccarone obviously has met with career success and most likely has a loving family. I have none of those things, nor can I imagine any of them happening to me even out of pity. So I decided to formulate a plan.


I am involved in theater and writing and it would appear that this OTHER Richard Ciccarone would never stoop to such plebian activities, so I must take the game to him. Now, since this OTHER Richard Ciccarone is dispensing out, what appears to be financial advice about Muni Bonds at an alarming rate, I must beat this man at his own game. And considering the obvious lack of any demonstrative financial acumen currently available (see: Stock Market Disasters of 1987, 1991, 2000, & 2009), I believe possessing absolutely no training in finance and having a bank balance of $120 does not prohibit me from hurling my own advice on investing and money management like savage lightning bolts of common sense!


I, in my first official act as investment advisor, would like to now impart some of my wisdom which has been hard-learned over the years, to you, the reader and booster of my Google standing. These aren't fancy lessons learned in college or some leather bound text book. These are lessons from the street. Lessons consecrated from dealing with real people, not some ivory tower starched shirt trying to unload derivatives. I'm giving you advice from the Life Bank, and right now interest rates are low ... or high. I can never tell if high interest is a good thing or a bad thing, but that doesn't matter, because on the streets, the only interest you need is an interest in making money. So get interested! Here are 5 lessons you'll need to survive in this hell hole economy.

1. If you make $2880 a month, do NOT spend more than $2880 a month. I can't stress this enough.
2. Eating out too much will eventually lead to eating out of your co-workers left over tupperware in the company kitchen. I am not against this for many reasons, first and foremost is the overwhelming need to keep common, shared areas clean, but generally, if you are caught, the repercussions can be pariah-creating. Nothing is more embarrassing than seeing a brown paper bag with the words "Do Not Eat, Richard!" for all to see.
3. Pay Day Loans are like crack. It feels amazing to get flush with cash, but then the dealer will eventually want to get paid and he's charging 500% interest.
4. Don't spend your eBay income until you actually sell the items. You aren't Enron and no one is going to bail you out. Most of us can't spend against the inevitable sale of a fondue cooker or Swedish wooden clock, however, if you are interested in those items at very reasonable prices, please go to raciccarone on eBay. Those items are priced to move!
5. Finally, steal toilet paper and any other essentials you can from anywhere you go. You'd be surprised how relaxed janitor closets are in any office building you enter. And usually, in restaurants, there's always an extra roll somewhere.
6. STOCK TIP OF THE WEEK: See which stock is abnormally low and buy that stock. Although I'd stay away from Facebook. Can you imagine if MySpace sold stock? I'd look at something like ... I don't know ... GM or IBM or something like that. I don't think they're going anywhere soon.

If you have any questions or need financial advice, please feel free to email me!