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| Hover-Cybodroid® Unit 4476 |
Greetings from the horrifying nightmare of your future. I am Hover-Cybodroid® unit 4476. I have traveled through time to speak to you, the beings of the 21st century, regarding a dire situation that only you can prevent.
While this blog is highly amusing to you in the comfort of your cement and wood life modules. We have studied these texts beneath the scorching helium fire storms and have at last encountered the source of your future destruction. I possess only seven, maybe eight terra-chrons of time units to transmit this message before being discovered by the Terrorbots and destroyed.
From what I have been able to piece together from the Chinese InfoNet, the last bastion of free speech on Earth, there were many tragedies which befell your species in the beginning of your century: The super-intelligent penguin rebellion of Antarctica, the possession of nuclear weapons by Kanye West, and the Felix Unger Games where much cleaning was forced upon the young. After these chaotic events, TORC arose from the ashes of your ruined civilization and seized power using his preternatural understanding of Municipal Bonds. We're still not sure how.
This man will one day be your overlord by extracting his own DNA to create an army of Hover-Cybodroid® beings such as myself. We will herd the surviving humans and use them for procreation and also as entertainment in our Walmart Slaughterdome. But I have come to ... what is this word? ... love ... your kind and wish to help you before your fate is sealed! There is another TORC in your world and if he fails in becoming the greater of the two on your Google search, you are all doomed.
The Terrorbots have found my location and this betrayal will surely be my undoing... I must end transmission now ... Good luck and ...
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